Too. many. Dwight. characters. to. decide.

They all need love in their own way.

Vindecco for Love,
Flandarin and Renfield for Passion,
Chic and Monk for hot, wild times,
Herman for cuteness,
Dr Thomas for kindness,
Fritz to lavish affection upon
Vint for Romance,
Swanson for a laugh
Sidney for intellectual enlightenment


I could go on but as I'm not too well... I won't.

GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! I've just realised that BBC4 has a 1920/ 30's season and I've missed most of it. I'm now setting the timer on my digibox for the up and coming week.

I usually go to work, then get sent home. I'm not doted on, just want to be left alone so I can get on with it.

dind dong, Avon calling!

I try to avoid social situations but when I HAVE to go somewhere and get nervous, I either sit very quietly, say nothing and feel sorry for myself, occasionally going to the bathroom and hiding to the extent most people probably think I have bladder problems. When I was youn ger I had a tendency to get drunk and make a fool of myself, the night would usually end in tears so now I stay home. Home is nice, home is safe, me happy at home. All I need is my hubby and cat.

After Leah posted the adorable picture of the Cheetah cub, I thought I would post this. This was on a few weeks before we got our Toto, the cub was so cute we named our kitten after him. I've been told the name is Swahili for "young or mischievous child".

This is one of those snippets of internet writing that's been kicking about for a LONG time but I thought I would post it anyway, as we all seem to like animals and in case people have never read it before. It's all too familiar...





EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE



EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY


DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture...Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors,I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this On their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still LODGED between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event, however, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my activities. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

I used to think I really hated Mondays, which I do but once work is over and done with I'm ok. It's Wednesdays I've really started to loathe, they really drag and the week seems never ending. My favourite day is Friday.

I'm the oldest of five. I don't think it's influenced me too much, apart from complaining a lot because I was always told to set an example. As we, the first three, were all born within four years, I feel differently towards my two youngest siblings who always feel a lot younger especially Timothy who was born when I was sixteen and for the first 18 months I helped out quite a lot with when he was very young and people used to think he was mine, which was embarrassing.

I had a disagreement in work today with a customer and though the customer was acting like a complete dim-wit and being unreasonable. He was doing the whole "I want you to do this and you will do this" routine, where I basically had to say this is not going to happen for various legal reasons and there's no point arguing about it. Considering the way I usually am, I handled the situation quite well so I was happy enough.

Alan still recovering from his night on Saturday (the poor dear) decided to treat himself to a Rock Star Drum kit, which he tried to sneak into our flat but obviously I quickly noticed. This thing is now occupying space in the living room next to my husband's other gadgets that serve only to gather dust.

Any after me, moaning and nagging it now looks as if we might be going away in October after all. Not to Dublin but to London, which I really want to visit as I've not been in ten years and Alan has never gone there. This is not definate and I wouldn't be surprised if my beloved would change his mind yet again but I am excited.

I'm to mean to buy strangers anything and was to shy when I was single, plus I didn't want to give the wrong impression.

When I worked behind a bar, a few men used to offer to buy me drinks but I declined, though I did take 50p out of the change and shove it in the tip jar. One guy was pretty persistant and came in every week, I remember him removing his wedding ring and at least in his forties (I was 19) so he was a complete sleaze. The only drink I ever accepted was from a guy that saw me do stand-up, that was a pity drink, lol.

I don't have a favourite but after a think I came up with these, think of it as a commercial break. Seriously people shouldn't ask me questions like this.

1. Hamlet Cigars. This was a series of adverts that lasted 25 years, obviously not aimed at children but very much part of my choldhood.




2. Smash Mash






3. Real Fire



4. Irn Bru xmas advert, a bit later but never mind.

I didn't even know John Hughes had died, that's a shame. I loved Planes, Trains & Automobiles but have never been a fan of teen movies, even when I was a teenager. I see, anyone between the ages of 13-19 as odious little scamps and avoid looking at them at all costs. Not that anyone in these movies are ACTUALLY teenagers.

As I'm closing my "myspace" account I've been going through my old photos and found this. About six years ago while I was attempting my feeble attempts at stand-up, my friend and mentor Paul asked me to appear on the cover of his Comedy Album, as I genuinely forgot about this I thought I would share. I'm the one in the white boots, it was about Scottish football (soccer) hence the kilts and Scottish football tops. There were other photos taken but I don't have them. It looks a bit dodgy but if memory serves it supposed to be a parody of the 1980's "lager lovelies"- an incredibly sexist period when Scottish Lager company Tennants always had some daft bint in a bikini on the actual can... thankfully I'm not wearing a bikini.

I f*cking hate, loathe, despise Harry Potter! I know I may be a one in that sentiment but as someone that's read a range of children's literature over the years, I honestly think it's abysmal. Plus I used to read "The Worse Witch" series as a child which I much preferred, written 20 years before HP and writer Jill Murphy was only 15 when she starting writing the series. Get it up you J K Rowling!

It's not the best, in fact rather dull. I didn't exactly meet but sat opposite Alan in my Higher Art Class at Strathaven Academy, when I was 16/17 and he being 9 months younger was 15/16. I never actually spoke to him, I mean I was in sixth year and you don't associate with anyone that's younger than you at that age, never mind actually fancy a boy of that age. As I was new at the school and only attending for less than a year, I never spoke but tended to eavesdrop on their intellectual conversations like "who would win: in fight Blur or Oasis"- the usual rubbish 15 year old boys talk about.

Anyway I went away to University for three years, came home and worked in the Waterside Bar in Strathaven for a few months where I served Alan a couple of times but again never got into conversation AND he worked in the Weavers Pub in Strathaven served me a couple of times and that was it.

I got into a relationship with my college tutor that lasted two years, ended rather messily. I went back to University for the second time and when I came home at Christmas, and my sister decided to take me out on Christmas Eve to cheer me up because I was REALLY wanting to stay at home feeling sorry for myself. Taryn then introduced me to her friends and Chizzy (That's Alan, I never actually call him Alan I call him Chiz though I refer to him as Alan in my journal because it' easier).

Right away I said we already knew each other and he was confused saying he had no idea who I was and then I informed him we sat opposite each other in an art class nearly eight years before, one thing led to another and by the New Year we were officially dating.

Alan has never lived it down that he does not have any recollection of me at school, not that I'm bothered.

Just realised my little (not baby) brother Nikolas has turned twenty one today. I can't believe it. I know it's a cliche but it really doesn't seem THAT long since he was born. I remember it so clearly, life really is too short. I guess I'll feel worse when Timothy turns 21 but that's years off yet. As I haven't been able to get out to buy him something I'm entirely leaving it up to Alan, which is just as well because it's becoming increasingly difficult to buy my brothers presents.

I wish I'd made more effort with people but that's something I still wish I was better at.
I suppose the one thing that irritates me is that I got a ten week researchers job working on a TV show called "The Big Breakfast" when I was 20 but never took it because I didn't want to be apart from my THEN boyfriend. It might not have led to anything but it was still an opportunity that I messed up. Needless to say within two years that was over and I never got another offer like that. No, he was not worth it.

I've been looking at the work of Jack Vettriano recently. He's a Scottish artist, with no training and a former miner. It's not high art, far from it but I like some of the images and have used them to inspire me with my recent attempts to write. Some of his work is rather erotic and perhaps I would query the way women are represented in his work but I love the style, the fashions, the men are dressed very dapper in suits and the women are always glamourous. Reminds me of film noir or romantic pulp fiction.